suicial tendencies

in the last 35 days...
i have seen the heavens part and the eyes of a man/animal watch me walk at nite. i dont know which is more compelling. the daytime images of what i call PLUR or the nitetime neutrality of a feral cat at night walking home.
but i know that i miss those who've played their part.
i also must have overdosed at least four times during those days. i mean mums the word.
however, last week was another eye opener. the fact that i am again experiencing something and life changing has led me to a new run/change of direction. i think. but the hidden house is where i expect to come to terms with myself once again, after a small meal with the roomate.
story time:
as a lad in school. i was priviledged enough to be given advice from what nollisa had said were faeries? either way, i think the whole lot of us were in that same bunch of freaks geeks and romantics. one not much more included/excluded than the other. so we would sit/eat amongst each other daily. not saying much. until someone would say something rather vulgar like "cowpussy." whilst spreading our daily amount of cream cheese on a sharpied vagina along the pavement. laughing we'd all start speaking casually about life. like nollisa would be plagued by these terrors by nite or day, and we'd look at her and not know what to say. miss her, though, and need to speak to her at this point in my life. i'll post a picture of her from back in bk. hippie punk. no bras, hemp necklaces, parents said no meds. yeah, she turned me on. but maybe that was why we stuck together. so this has to do with the faeries and punks and what not...
well, there was a park called the hidden park that we would visit now and again, and ima vanilla, would talk about how she had the most fun there with yllek? i dunno, i dont remember. but they would all kinda yell and scream and sing and try hard for me to as well, but i said i dont scream or yell, and ill sing. either way, fun at the hidden park. one blue monday i ran into her at the hidden house. like, vanilla!?! WTH? and we hugged, she said, in her voice like, "who's your friends?" and i looked at her in the look like, "who's yours?" so we ignored boht of our entourage and had drink. said i'll give you my number before i leave, and the but not before i give you mine.
havent seen her since.

i have to leave to find some shade now. and a job. and some money.
but i have new pen. and glowindark bic that looks like a glowstick. makes me happy. i rite down things like, CALL BACK on my forearm. should be CALL THE DOCTOR.
READ:
FOUND by DAVY ROTHBART on FIRESIDE