failure

depression is setting in. no longer is there a person who i can talk to without wanting to speak about me. because my life revolves around me. because i have only me. i know there are those who will "help" me. and in my mind i know that this helpful person is doing what he can, but that doesnt cure me. it doesnt relieve me. it doesnt give me a sense of satisfaction that i can feel.

this feeling. this feeling is real. as real as a scar on my body.

this feeling is beginning to place people into different categories, different categorised characters that i would like to say i have met. as if people are not individuals any longer. they have become a character that is branched off of a tree from a forest of other persons who are all technically the same.

thats not what saddens me.

its like something was taken from me. not anything like virginity. you can compare it to virginity, in the sense that everything that follows can only possibly get better and clearer. perhaps thats the only way i can look at this loss.

theres this thing called cheese

and i love it. i dont know if its all the cheese, so im eating several varieties when i can.
in the cheese and wine spirit i'm now dining on le petite pont l'évêque. there is the stink that the cheese steward had mentioned, and it was subtle at first but it sneaks up on you. little bites do help. easing into anything new is safer.
http://www.alimentation-france.com/aliments/laitages/fromages-pont-l'eveque.html
the official site is here:
http://www.pont-leveque-aoc.org/

coffee is a much more familiar choice which is what i may stay with in the near future.