so i may be drunk right now

...
i still however think that my behaviour is still in a way influenced by those around me.
example:
"i want to go to the bar but im an older woman without my youth and beauty."
and i know that i am not a young woman with those qualities and i know i am quite the opposite but i know i that i sometimes feel that i am influenced by such a character as that...a character who i young and beautiful who is attracted to those she is. I mean, I can hear it in my head as if she want to whisper is to me in some kind of trance to emphasize that fact that i will land that.
for now:
its ruining my ability to say hello.
hello to a perfect stranger without the judgement of, "you look hot!"
so i have to say FUCK YOU mom!
you dont even get a capital m.
u are a loser!
dont do this anymore.
i have to leave.


so my new place to live is in some place called the oxford house.
im doubting whether or not the place will vote me in on wednesday. but its up to everyone who lives there. i would say yes. unless they are real judgemental men who only like what they have done all theyre life...and with that i sound judgemental.
im hoping they take me.
right now i may have shaven my head, and will even more in the AM. but i also didnt strike it up with anyone at the bars tonight. well i said hello. but there wasnt anything.
and i want more beer or liquor.
all i can ask right now is that someone will PLEASE pay for my stay at the oxford house. plus the men there are real large, and like large men, look dominant. but not in a fat kinda way.
thats all.
oh yeah, i need new shit.
including a new hang out. and a new bar.
i pissed off some lesbo for asking her to explain her tits to me. i left in about 1min after she heard that tits are everywhere.
lesbos. they think so much.
oh damn!
and i blew off of scott in a kilt. mohawk and all.
now im ready to go meet them and ask for more time together.
but, however, to eaze the night, i took a tranquilizer and i wont be up for a long time.
perhaps tuesdays will bring more.
shit i need something.
sup g?